Your emotions around death

We know from research, and people living with lung conditions, that when approaching death feelings can vary, and include:

• anger
• despair
• denial
• bargaining
• fear and anxiety.

However, you might also feel:

• peace
• acceptance
• tranquility.

We all feel things differently. You might experience a lot of different emotions at different times. 

Marie Curie has more information on emotional experiences and concerns.

What can I do to cope?

Everybody has their own way of coping with difficult emotions. Carers, and people living with lung conditions have told us that talking, and sharing their feelings and emotions, helps.

Finding practical ways to cope with how you're feeling might help you in the final stages of your life. It could help you bring focus and structure into your day. This could be something simple, like writing in a diary or making a list of things you enjoy. You don't necessarily have to do them, just thinking about happy memories could help.

Marie Curie has more information about emotional pain at the end of your life.

It can be difficult to know how to talk about death. It can be useful to have some conversation starters in mind, for example:

• I think I’ve decided what I’d like to happen to my body after I’m gone. Would you be happy to have a conversation with me about this, so you understand my wishes?
• I have some ideas about what I’d like my funeral to be like. Can we have a conversation about this?
• I think it would be a good idea for me to make a will, so it’s ready when the time comes.
• I’ve been reading about advance care planning and think it would be a good idea for me to start putting some things in writing. Would you be happy to talk with me about this?

You could also approach the subject of death by asking your family, friends or loved ones for help with planning ahead.

Marie Curie has more information about how to talk about death.

Talking to children about death

Death can be confusing for children and young people. They may have questions about what is happening and want to express their thoughts and feelings.

Some children will need adults to start conversations about death and dying. Marie Curie has more information about speaking to children about death. 

You can ask for help from your doctor, nurse, or a social worker. Some schools have counsellors who can help children who are likely to experience bereavement or who have experienced bereavement. You might also have access to local childhood bereavement services.
 

We all have our own traditions, beliefs or questions about the end of life. You may become more aware of these feelings towards the end of your life, or your beliefs might change.

If you have a specific belief system, then your religion or community can offer support. Talking about your beliefs and thoughts with your faith leader, friends and family could bring you comfort. Your religious advisor may be able to visit you if you're in hospital or in a hospice.

Spirituality might involve thinking and talking about your past and the future, or carrying out personal traditions.

If you have specific needs relating to your spiritual or religious beliefs, it's important to tell the people caring for you. For example, if you have any specific requests about how you'd like your body to be handled after you die.

The following organisations provide more information relating to end of life. There’s information for people who are approaching end of life, and information for people who are grieving. Some have helplines you can call if you would like to talk to someone.