Support for friends and family

Looking after someone who is dying can be emotional and tiring. It can be very hard to watch someone you love die. It is thought that one of the last senses to go is hearing; try comforting them and talking to them, so they know they're not alone.

You can take care of them emotionally by:

• sharing stories
• listening to music
• talking about people you know
• reading together.

You can physically help them by:

• moistening their mouth and lips with water, moisturiser, or lip balm. If they are on oxygen, do not use Vaseline or any other petroleum-based products.
• keeping them comfortable. This might include gently repositioning them.

You do not have to do all of this alone. Ask friends and family to take turns with you.

Try not to worry if the person you're caring for doesn't respond much. As the end of life approaches, they may be very sleepy or unconscious.

Everyone grieves differently. It can be hard to adjust to life when your caring role ends. It's also not uncommon to feel relieved when someone dies, so try not to feel guilty about your emotions.

As well as coping with the loss of the person you cared for, you might need to cope with the loss of your caring role. You might not know what to do with your time now that you are no longer a carer. You might find it helpful to: 

• spend more time with family and friends
• take up a new skill
• go back to work.

Some people feel exhausted after being a carer. You might feel unwell for a while.

Carers UK has more information about life after caring.

Practical things to do when caring ends

• Tell your GP about your caring role changing. This is so they can update your medical records and signpost you to more support.
• If you claim carer’s allowance, you can report changes on the government's website.

When the person you care for dies, you will probably feel a range of emotions. You may feel a great sense of loss when they pass away.

You could experience strong feelings such as loss, grief and mourning before your loved one has died. Or you might start to grieve once the practical arrangements have been made or when the funeral has passed.

It's important you take time for yourself and seek the help you need. Talking to family and friends might help you.

Carers UK have more information about coping with bereavement. 

Grief is different for everyone. But it is thought that there are five stages of grief:

• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• depression
• acceptance.

There is not a particular order that you might go through these stages in. You may revisit certain stages over time.

Thinking about grief in this way is not useful for everybody, as not everyone goes through these stages.

Read more about the stages of grief on the Marie Curie website.

You can talk to your doctor and nurse about local services and information to help you deal with grief. Don’t be afraid to talk to your GP if you think that how you are feeling is not right, or if you are not coping with your grief. People often need more support.

For more information about coping with grief, visit the Marie Curie website.